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I called AppleCare to talk about how the Brand-New Replacement Computer they sent me was not believing in its Brand-New Replacement Battery. I had already reset the Power Management Unit and zapped the PRAM and sacrificed a Play-Doh lamb (an orange one, if you must know) and done all the other things the nice AppleCare chick was going to suggest I try. She said it was probably the battery, and she could send me out one right away.

I asked if it might be quicker for me to take the faulty Brand-New Replacement Computer to a local Apple store to have them take a look at it. She agreed and set me up with an appointment in one hour at the “Genius Bar” at the Alderwood Mall Apple Store.

It was the opposite of difficult to convince Zoey that we should immediately head to the mall, and so we did.

Travel forward in time 45 minutes (hey, we had to stop by Starbucks first) and we were in the Apple store with Zoey set up playing Sponge Bob and Cars and Dr. Seuss games on an iMac at the kids’ table. I got down to business at the “Genius Bar” with a “Genius.” (Okay, there was nothing wrong with the guys I spoke with—I’m just a little cranky, and they were just a little powerless…)

As it turns out, it of course wasn’t just the battery. No matter which battery they stuck in this Brand-New Replacement Computer, and no matter how many times they zapped the PRAM, dosadoed with the allemande left, or sacrificed the Play-Doh goat, the computer acted the same.

I suggested to them that I was not terribly attached to this computer, having just met it this morning. They said they could get it replaced in probably about a week. I asked them if someone came into their store right now looking for a computer exactly like it, would they have one available? They hemmed and hawed about how computers in the stores and online have different product numbers and slightly different configurations, but agreed that yeah, someone could do just what I said. They, of course, didn’t have the power to make it right, “Geniuses” though they be.

Someone of authority or extra “Genius” or something is due in at 7am in the morning, and they have the power to call AppleCare and get my case escalated. Why, I do believe I’ll be calling them myself.

To be continued…